Why do i always have to allow complicating issues to befall on me? Got to know a young NS chap (7 years younger) waiting for his operationally ready date this December few months back!
Alright one night of hard-core drinking ends up returning his kiss and holding hands (cant deny that i do like him). Waking up, fully soble on the 2nd day had me hit my forehead umpteen times! What have i done? The thought of having a younger boyfriend than myself freaks me out and things progressed too fast.
Thinking what's done cannot be undone and clinging on to the hope that he will realise that i am far too old to be together, i told myself to try it out. Its better for him to says he makes a mistake rather than having me to say it out first. I know this defination doesnt makes any sense at all!
This trying out... is when things gets super-duper complicated! But, it ended in less than a week!
He was not the kind of guy who likes to talk on the phone but a text-messaging person (i am not good in text messaging as many times people might misunderstand what you actually means... Anyway, he didnt knows about it)... he simple dislikes the awakard silent when conversation runs out. I totally understand this feeling he has as i too felt the same way. We are just not good in holding on to the phone, feeling the ear gets hotter each minute and switching to the other ear and squeezing out new topics.
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I picked on him for always texting me and not calling and in turns makes me thinks he is setting too much restrictions... but he wrote the most beautiful reply (must have crack his head) i ever seen: he is willing to try it out just for me. He even told me at times he has to retype and read through the message before senting it out to me... in fear that i get mistaken and get angry at him.
And when he didnt text or call me the whole day, i got angry at his reply (which i find it lame)... i was gaming and you know it from the start - I will lost myself whenever i start gaming. I was damn pissed off by his reply! Its either gaming is more important than me or he simply dont care if i exist!
The last straw torn me down when he got drunk one night and tries messaging me in sentences that didnt make any sense... the next morning he text back the most saddening reply to answer my question on what he is writing.
Everytime i want to text you, i hesitated. Everytime we start texting, we ended up quarreling.
Trust me, I felt damn lousy and so misunderstood to make him feel this way. I was shattered!!! This isnt what i wanted out of him or us... I had hurt him and this was when i decided i must end the relationship and salvage what i can.
I called to meet up with him, say i really cant make myself to be with him and we can never work out this way... He was mature enough and asked if this is what i want... i say yes and he respect my decision. Things ended nicely... Phew! If it could lessen my guilt, i would want to think that maybe this was what he also wanted. Why would a young guy wish to be with an older lady like me? No nice figure, small breast, no natural beauty, not gentle, smoker (he was a smoker too), not ladylike, swears and acting like an asshole!
Close friends asked me not to call and text him after the breakup (he never did text me after, i was always the one initiating). I must say it wasnt easy holding back... somehow i do miss him. At times i felt like its killing me inside if i dont see his text... at times, due to face value i hold back in texting him...
I could stop all form of communication right that instance once i term that person a jerk but he wasnt a jerk to me... I am the one who is being the "Asshole" and i do wish to keep this friendship... but i need time to adjust before placing him into friends zone.
Must i really learn things the hard way? Must i wait for the day to come when he dont even reply to my messages and had my pride spilled on the floor which i always held so dear... Cant i simply let it go and stop texting him? Maybe the reason why he hasnt initiate any form of communication is because he realise the mistake due to a moment of folly? At times i feel... why cant he be a bastard and stop replying to my messages (maybe he is so bored in camp, thats why he msg me back - Hahaha!) and put a stop to me missing him... maybe i can handle it better.
I do miss that killer smile of his... the way we tease each others... the days we laugh together and those days which i was so careful not to step across that thin line of falling for him... but now, gone were the day!!! I do regretted why didnt i have the courage to fight it out with him and makeup (not make out) later...
Hell this is damn confusing, i really dont know what i want! Is there any right or wrong in handling relationship issues?
Below an article i chanced upon... was it a plain coincident or it has always been there but such article didnt catch my attention till i am in this situation. Hell this is damn confusing, i really dont know what i want! Is there any right or wrong in handling relationship issues?
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Unequal expectations
A young man assumes that the older woman comes with a set of past emotional baggage while the woman thinks the man is out to broaden his experience in the dating game. A relationship based on these assumptions cannot really even begin in earnest unless both partners can overcome such prejudices.
Generation gap
The 20-year-old guy will never understand why she is not interested in his favourite ‘Transformers’ series while she’ll wonder what is wrong with ABBA songs. And these are just examples from popular culture. At each step, overcoming the generation step can be an arduous task for both people without any solution in sight.
Masked reasons
You may be in the relationship to score with the neighbourhood aunty and brag about it with your friends, but the aunty will have a whole set of reasons that she will never be able to talk about with you. This is because she feels you’re immature to understand her problems. Also, she doesn’t want to use you as a crutch, but rather as a tool. If you begin to fall for her, consider the affair doomed.
Not living up
Because of all her previous experiences, a woman is bound to look at her latest man with a little bit of exasperation. It is very difficult for the man to live up to the best standards of all her previous attachments, the yardstick by which she’s subconsciously judging him. The worst mistake the guy can make is defend himself by using his own young age as an excuse for his inexperience in dealing with issues in the relationship. It is important to broaden and hold that vision when you’re in a relationship with an older woman.
Acceptability
Remember how three best friends had to break their friendship when Akshaye Khanna confessed his love for a much older Dimple Kapadia in ‘Dil Chahta Hai’? The truth is that society judges us for all our relationship choices and dating an older woman is right at the top of the never-attempt-to-do list. Going down this road will only lead to social isolation and unless you’re strong enough to bear the jibes, you’ll become a wreck.
While not all May-November relationships turn into a wreck, it is important to know that most of them have a very slight chance of working, especially in a conservative society like India. It’s a minefield that needs careful navigation every waking second of your life.
